King Kong vs. Godzilla: Kaiju Komedy...Not Really Funny

What’s scarier than a One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater? A One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple PASTRY Eater!

If you recall my reviews of Gojira and Godzilla Raids Again, you no doubt recall that I gave a bit of background information on each film. Let it never be said that I lack consistency (though the number one reason I present background information of this film is because it is actually rather interesting, and the number two reason is that very few Godzilla films have even remotely interesting backgrounds).

After the failure of Godzilla Raids Again, the Godzilla character sat away in Toho’s vaults un-used while Toho paraded out droves of new monsters such as Mothra, Rodan, Varan, and Mogera. Meanwhile, Willis O’Brien came up with an idea for a third Kong film which went under the tentative title of King Kong vs. Prometheus, where the great ape would take on a mad scientist’s creations. O’Brien had a tough time selling the film in America, as the giant monster craze was beginning to die out in Hollywood and the rights to secure Kong as a character alone were essentially the size of an entire film’s budget. Toho, however, was very interested in securing the rights for a King Kong film, so they forked over the $200,000 for the character licensing. Ultimately the mad scientist/Frankenstein angle of the film would be split off into the film Frankenstein Conquers the World for reasons beyond what I feel like researching.

What to do with the Kong character though? The Toho brain trust wanted a sufficient icon to pair with Kong. Looking back in their vaults, they found a kaiju of their own that had appeared in a monstrously (badoom ching!) successful film and that wouldn’t cost them another 200 grand in licensing fees. The resulting matchup was so successful that it would be five years and five films before Godzilla would appear in a Toho film without another pre-existing mon-star and it would be thirteen years total until Godzilla was given anything resembling the break from Godzilla Raids Again to King Kong vs. Godzilla.

Before I get into my review, let me again note that my plot synopsis is for the Japanese version of the film. There is nothing extraordinarily different between the American and Japanese version, the American version shifts some scenes around to make one or another monster’s rampage seem longer while the Japanese version intercuts the two to give more of a both at once feel. Also, I must apologize for my screenshots. Other than the title screen, they are taken from the American version of the film. This is one of only two Godzilla films where I do not own a decent, watchable DVD of the Japanese version. I have a copy, but as you can see by the one screenshot taken from it, it’s not in great shape.

Mr. Tako is the head of Pacific Pharmaceuticals, and is currently not a happy man. His company sponsors various television programs to drum up publicity, but they are all tanking pretty hard; he needs something new to market to his customers. During a meeting with a doctor who is marveling over the wonders of a berry he discovered on Faro Island, the man tells Tako a story of the island’s mythical god, a large monster of some sort. Tako is so sold on the idea that he sends two of his “finest” (aka most expendable) men, Sakurai (Tadao Takshima of Atragon and Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II) and Furue (Yu Fujiki who would appear in Toho fair such as Space Amoeba and War of the Gargantuas) to Faro Island to capture the monster to be used as a publicity stunt.

Meanwhile, the Bering Sea has been experiencing unusually warm temperatures and an American submarine, Seahawk, is dispatched to investigate. Unfortunately, they collide with an iceberg during their mission (evidently somebody forgot that only a small mass of an iceberg is visible above the surface and that, as a submarine, Seahawk spends most of its time BELOW the surface), and the research team is trapped. Even more unfortunately, this iceberg begins breaking apart from the inside out and an ominous roar is the last thing Seahawk hears before the command deck bursts into flames.

The Pacific Pharmaceuticals ship arrives at FaroIsland. Initially wary of their guests, the island natives (and if the appearance of these natives doesn’t tip you off that this movie isn’t being taken seriously by it’s creators, you’re in for a long unpleasant viewing experience) eventually come to accept our guests and show them around the island. While on the island, Sakurai and Furue begin to shed their skepticism of the giant monster stories.

Surface-side of the submarine, a rescue helicopter circling the site looks on in horror as Godzilla breaks free from the iceberg. As Godzilla begins his rampage of the Japanese countryside (and yes, I do mean countryside; after his initial attack of a military base, Godzilla spends the next few minutes knocking down trees and lighting hillsides on fire) a team of scientists and military personnel meet to decide what to do now that Godzilla has re-appeared (and this is the only nod to the previous film, as they mention that Godzilla has escaped from his icy prison). Let me pause here to note that this is Godzilla’s first color appearance and he looks incredible here. This particular incarnation of Godzilla is debated by fans to be one of the best, if not the best, Godzilla ever looked.

On the island, a giant octopus attacks the village, primarily concentrating its attack on the hut where the natives keep their stores of the magical berry. As the natives helplessly chuck spears at the monster and the PP guys’ guns prove worthless, a massive roar is heard. King Kong is evidently the island natives’ god and he has come to chew bubble gum and kick butt, and he’s all out of bubble gum (actually, it was “Rowdy” Roddy Piper who uttered those words in They Live, but it works just as well here). Kong spends a minute or two beating up a plastic bag with tentacles and then the octopus flees. Surly about being woken up early, Kong does what any alcoholic would do, he begins hittin’ the sauce and hitting it hard (in actuality, he’s drinking the berry juice that the natives prepare both for Kong and for themselves in the event that people get sick; it’s a marvelous sedative). Thus it is that the natives begin praising Kong (in one of Akira Ifukube’s only truly memorable compositions from this particular film) and when the beast falls asleep, Sakurai convinces Furue that this is their opportunity to capture the creature.

Back in Japan, Fumiko (Sakurai’s sister played by Mie Hama who would also appear in Frankenstein Conquers the World and King Kong Escapes) is heading north by train to Hokkaido to look for her boyfriend, Fujita (Kenji Sahara, whose Godzilla list is about a mile long and actually includes later era films such as Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah and Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla), fearing he may have died in a horrible plane crash. Fujita did not die, and learns from Fumiko’s neighbor where she’s headed. Fujita unfortunately knows that Godzilla is in that area so he sets off to rescue her from trying to rescue him (yeah, it’s even a bit confusing to watch, let alone read). Godzilla, obviously, has other plans and he causes the train to evacuate it’s passengers while he meanders the countryside (I think perhaps Godzilla is a bad mad that he’d only ever seen Japan’s bustling cities and thus he decides it’s time to take a more laid back approach to his visit). Fortunately, Godzilla shies away from the electrical lines near the train (evidently forgetting that he ripped down multi-thousand volt towers in Gojira like they were play-things), and Fujita is able to save Fumiko.

At sea, the Pacific Pharmaceuticals ship (with Kong in tow on a makeshift raft whose ability to float is just another “dispense with logic” moment, to say nothing of where so many 200 foot tall trees were cultivated, stripped of branches and lashed together) is stopped by the coast guard. Tako, now on board the ship after being air-freighted in, demands an explanation. How about, you can’t just bring giant freaking monsters into a country that has twice been ravaged by giant monsters and is now going through its third such attack? Kong has other ideas, however, as he is sick of the countryside and wants to see the bright lights of Japan. He breaks free from his raft after an ill-fated attempt to blow him up and heads towards Japan to fight Godzilla.

The two ultimately do meet, with Tako bristling with excitement over the idea that “his” monster (Kong) is the stronger of the two. Unfortunately for Tako, this meeting is brief and Kong retreats after Godzilla singes his hair with some radioactive fire. With no suitable foe to fight Godzilla, the military now focuses its attention on stopping him, and after a series of failed attempts, some genius suggests they build a giant electrical fence. The kicker is, it actually keeps Godzilla out! I kid you not, he touches it, it zaps him and he wanders away in fear. That makes two films in a row where a seemingly idiotic plan to keep Godzilla at bay has worked while well-thought out stuff (like the pretty nifty “bury him in a hole in the ground” operation earlier in this film) fails.

Too bad for the Japanese people that the Japanese version of King Kong comes complete with his own superpowers and he ABSORBS the electricity and gains strength from it before going about a rampage of downtown Tokyo. During his trip to the city, he meets a girl, Fumiko, and takes her out for dinner and dancing before climbing the Japanese Diet building. Luckily, Sakurai has some berry missiles handy (he puts powder from the berries into the heads of missiles) and when detonated over Kong’s head, the giant ape falls asleep.

As the ape slumbers, it is suggested that Kong is airlifted out of Tokyo and taken to the Mt.Fuji area, where Godzilla is known to be doing some more sightseeing. Good thing for all involved they had plenty of ropes and balloons lying around. Kong doesn’t get to travel first class, but he is taken to Godzilla and the stage is set for the final showdown!

It is inarguable that this film was successful; it is by far the highest grossing Godzilla film. We should remember, however, that success does not equate to greatness. MichaelBay and Roland Emmerich have each created some of the most successful (and critically lambasted) films in recent years. In the same way, thought King Kong vs. Godzilla was extraordinarily successful, I can’t think of it as anything but a disappointment. The amount of screen time that the monsters get seems disproportionately slanted in favor of Kong (though this makes sense considering how much money Toho paid for the character). The overuse of Kong would be forgivable if the fight scenes themselves packed more oomph.

The issue with the fight scenes is not necessarily that they are poorly executed; rather they are largely one-sided. Godzilla controls the pace of the fight, and manages to keep Kong on the ropes almost the entire time. What’s worse, the number of times Kong seems down for the count only to be revived again gets to be tedious. As a final slap in the face, the filmmakers decided that Kong’s natural strength and powers were not enough to fight Godzilla, so they cooked up a ludicrous plot device wherein Godzilla is frightened of electricity and Kong gains strength and acts as a conductor. It’s a weak move. We would be impressed if Kong was a seemingly overmatched opponent who persevered and fought Godzilla toughly despite his apparent handicap, but instead, Kong is just waiting for the moment when he’s able to unleash a power that Godzilla has no defense against. It’s not a David vs. Goliath story; it’s more like Superman vs. Lex Luthor. The only way Luthor (Kong) can even the odds is to use some kryptonite (electricity) and as luck would have it, some literally drops into his lap right when he’s up against the ropes. It ultimately makes for a fight that lacks any suspense.

It’s also important to debunk a few of the myths surrounding this movie. First of all, Godzilla does not emerge as the clear-cut victor in the Japanese version. Kong is still the only one actually SEEN swimming away from the battle, and Kong’s roar is heard at the end (though Godzilla’s is also heard, which is different from the Americanized version). Somehow, a rumor had been started that in the original Japanese version, Godzilla won, and so the American version edited things to make it look like Kong was the winner, since Kong is an American monster and Godzilla is Japanese. Secondly, I find nothing wrong with the fights between the monsters containing elements of comedy. The fights between Kong and Godzilla are spirited and entertaining, even though some of the WWE-style zaniness comes through. Still, the battles are entertaining, which is more than can be said of most of the fights in the later films.

Another thing: while Godzilla looks his best yet, King Kong undoubtedly looks his worst. I’ve heard his look described as nicely as pathetic and as harshly as, “It looks like the suit was cobbled together from used carpet samples, lit on fire, and then put out by being beaten with a board with a nail on it.”

In my review for Godzilla Raids Again, I blasted Masaru Sato for his score, claiming Akira Ifukube would have done a much better job, had he been available. While I stand by that statement, I also think it was a poor choice to bring Ifukube on for this film. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Ifukube-san from his scores alone, it is that he is perfect for serious film. His music creates gravity and tension and enhances atmosphere in films where all you need is that extra touch to push people over the top and create a memorable experience. He is not suited for lighter fair, however. His music here often seems out of place and although the Kong worship song is one of the finest compositions in Ifukube’s extensive library, the rest of the score is sub-par. It’s unevenness is probably the reason why the Americanized version replaces much of the score with cues from Universal’s library, most notably Creature from the Black Lagoon. Perhaps Sato would have felt more at home in a film like this, whose plot consist pretty much of monsters running amok and fighting, his work on other Godzilla films with more fun atmospheres seems to reinforce this notion.

There are other reasons the film generally doesn’t work. Chief among them being that the film is of a type unique to Japan known as a salaryman comedy – a form of light satire that pokes fun at the shortcomings of the middle class in post-war Japan. Ichiro Arishima (the Mr. Tako character) was at the time a mainstay of comedy in Japan and would have tipped off the audience to as much. It’d be the equivalent of casting Tom Hanks in a Godzilla film around the same time he was doing movies like Big and The Money Pit; people clearly don’t perceive Hanks the same way today as they did twenty years ago, how funny and topical can a Godzilla movie using a forty-plus year old style of comedy be?

I may get roasted for this, and it may be solely due to my lack of a decent copy of the original version to watch, but I much prefer the Americanized version of the film. Yes, I know, the interjected UN scenes are appallingly dumb and this version of the film does not at all acknowledge the previous two films (in a series with 29 films, at some point you stop acknowledging the prequels anyway), but I find it to be a more enjoyable experience overall. Although the music is not original, I find that it generally fits the film more and I get more of the light-hearted feel from this version. I am able to take it less seriously and have more fun with it. Perhaps the fact that there is some debate over which version is better is a tipoff as to the quality of this film in either version (I’m of the opinion that the original version should almost always be superior, if only because the sounds leaving the actors’ mouths matches their lip movements).

So what did we learn today? For one thing, I think we learned (once again) that the most half-assed idea is usually the best one. You can be intricate all you want, but in the end when you just throw up your hands and say, “I dunno, build a fence!” that’s the idea that will work. We’ve also learned that King Kong is a problem alcoholic, but a bit of a lightweight (two drinks knocks him on his ass and then a whiff of some powder puts him out for hours). Further, we’ve learned that you can build a raft to haul a 150ft long gorilla in a matter of hours, prehistoric apes were impervious to electricity, and you shouldn’t always believe that America is the only country that would imply that the American monster would win in an intercontinental bout.

My final rating is below. I debated whether or not to make this a doughnut hole film, but I ultimately decided it was deserving of a sprinkle simply for the sheer amount of money Toho most definitely spent on it. The fact that it revived the Godzilla franchise (whether or not it DESERVED to) also makes it sprinkle-worthy. Ishiro Honda being back in the director’s chair also helps as he’s able to get the best possible performances out of everyone involved. As usual and as always, you can find a full list of all my reviews by CLICKING RIGHT HERE!